In a Jam
by SharanMcQuack
Summary: Launchpad is given a plane to test, made out of a metal that's supposed to be indestructible...but is it?


**"In a Jam"**

By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.

Based on "Better Late Than Never" aka "The Hardware Hardener" from Uncle Scrooge #340 (2005).

I will buy US # 399 the first chance I get, as soon as I can get out to a "specialty" store. (WHY do they no longer sell comics in candy stores like God intended?)

If ANYBODY can tell me which stories are in "Uncle Scrooge in Ducktales, Life is like a hurricane", I will thank them. I've tried to find out on the net, but can't. Yes, I checked coa inducks.(I know it contains ONE story I already HAVE...Does Boom not like my money?)

* * *

Launchpad was sitting in his office and was trying to design a new plane. Then the phone rang.

"Hello, Launchpad? We at SHUSH need your services..." Griz of Supreme Headquarters of Undercover Secret Heroics began.

"I thought Donald was working for you as Double O Duck now? (1) I never WANTED the job, remember? " Launchpad asked.

"We need someone to test-fly a plane. Really put it thur it's paces. Donald may know how to fly a plane, but he's no test pilot. And this is a plane YOU designed." Griz tried again.

"The big brains at SHUSH have come up with a new metal that's indestructible." Griz continued.

"How is that possible?" Launchpad asked.

"It exists outside of Time. It can't be hurt because it existed yesterday and will exist tomorrow...but doesn't quite exist TODAY, and don't ask me how that's possible. I get a headache just thinking about it." Griz said.

"You and me both. Every time a certain inventor tries to explain how his time machine works, I threaten to explain to him how planes fly. Again. He doesn't "get" that, I don't "get" how the time machine works. I suppose that's fair." Launchpad said.

"We need you to see if this new metal is REALLY indestructible. We used it to make a plane in a design you created, so we want you to test fly it. Especially since Mr. McDuck recommended you for the job." Griz said.

"He DID?" Launchpad asked, shocked Mr. McDee would recommend him.

"He said if YOU couldn't destroy something indestructible, nothing could. Especially if it was a plane and you were flying it." Griz said.

Launchpad laughed, since if he didn't laugh, he'd have to cry.

"Fine! It'll be fun to TRY and wreck a plane for once! Should I try to crash it while I'm at it?" Launchpad joked.

"Why not? We're also testing out air bags designed for a plane(2) to see if lives can be saved in a plane crash using air bags. Between the improved seat belts, the air bags and the indestructibility of the plane, I don't see how you can get hurt." Griz challenged Launchpad.

"Think I'll crash it where I ain't, just to be on the safe side. I enjoy taking risks, but I'm NOT reckless!" Launchpad replied.

"This is NOT the slightest bit secret. We're even doing this in an air force base and invited the press." Griz said.

So Launchpad agreed to test fly the indestructible plane. SHUSH pays well, we have four kids and this was just test flying a plane. And as long as Launchpad helps SHUSH out once a year, they leave him alone.

Launchpad drove out to the air force base where the test was to be done the next day, so publicity photos of him and the plane could be taken.

The bored sentry on duty blunk when he saw Launchpad.

"General McQuack! Sir!" sentry said. (3)

"Oh, Lord, I forgot about that. Listen, my name's Launchpad, OK? I'm hear to test fly a plane. So skip the "general" bit and let me in, OK?" Launchpad asked.

"Yes, Sir, General McQuack, sir! The photographers and press are waiting for you, sir!" said the sentry, who had been too well "programmed" to respond otherwise said.

Launchpad went into the air force base to where the plane and the press were waiting. Including me.

"Sharan?" Launchpad asked.

"Hi, honey! Did I forget to mention the Duckburg Daily News was sending ME to take photos of this? They figured it would be good publicity, having your wife take the photos!" I said, kissing him. As I do VERY often.

"You're a tease. But that's one reason I love you." Launchpad answered.(4)

"So you're testing the "Jam", are you?" I asked.

"The WHAT?" Launchpad asked.

I cocked my thumb towards the indestructible plane.

"The Jam." "Jam yesterday and Jam tomorrow, but never Jam today." to quote off of Lewis Carroll, since it doesn't quite exist today." I explained.

"The Jam, then. Better than the mile long designation the air force gave it." Launchpad agreed.

Because of the 'net, everybody had heard about this test flight by evening. Including the Beagle Boys.

"Brothers, it occurs to me a plane that can't be destroyed would be VERY useful to us. We could crash it into the Money Bin. And right thur it! Steals what we want, and flies off in it!" Big Time said. "If the plane can't be hurt, it'll still fly even after crashing into the Money Bin!"

"But, Big Time, how are we going to steal a plane that can't be hurt? We can't attack it and damage it enough to ground it. And the test flight is on an air force base, so we can't just sneak on board." Bomber objected.

"Megabyte has comes up with some gadgets to help with that. Including this smoke missile. We fire it above McQuack's plane. It emits oily smoke. McQuack sees the smoke, thinks something wrong with the engine and lands to take care of the problem. Soon as he leaves the plane to fix the engine, we fixes HIM." Big Time explained.

Bomber flew a copter, disguised to look like a "news" copter, just outside the air force base. If anybody saw it, they thought it was a news copter, taking photos for a news show. As Launchpad plane flew past the "innocent" copter, it fired a smoke missile that went up and above Launchpad's plane.

Once it was in back where it could not be seen by Launchpad, it went off, giving off plumes of thick, black oily smoke. The same kind of smoke a plane's engine gives off when it's in deep doo-doo.

_()()WHAT? I checked over the engines before I took off, just to be on the safe side! The air force mechanic checked over them, too! Wait a minute...why is the smoke coming from the TOP of the plane and NOT from the BACK of the plane where the engines are?()() _Launchpad wondered.

Launchpad looked at some gauges that indicated which way the wind was blowing. IF his engines were in trouble, the smoke should be coming from the back, right past him...NOT only from the top of the plane.

_()() Besides, the engines are purring like kittens. If something were wrong enough with them to cause that kind of smoke, couldn't I hear it as well as see it?()() _Launchpad thought.

"Base, this is Launchpad in the Jam. There is smoke coming from the top of my plane, but none coming from behide. And the engines SOUND fine. Something is fishy in Duckburg. I'm going to try something." Launchpad stated.

And he flew the Jam UPSIDE DOWN for a while. The smoke missile was too small for him to spot and it used itself as fuel, burning itself to create the oily black smoke it emitted. This now came from the bottom of Launchpad's plane and not the top.

Launchpad then looped around and saw the smoke coming from where his plane had been.

"Thought so! Some sort of missile! And that news copter was the only thing I passed..." Launchpad muttered.

"WHAT news copter? The only news people that are supposed to be around are right here in the base!" said the air traffic controller officer at the base.

"Then I better check out the "news copter" I passed just before I saw that smoke! It must have fired that missile!" Launchpad said.

And spotting the "news copter", Launchpad gave chase.

"What do we do now?" Bicep asked.

"We sees just how indestructible that plane is. No need to steal it if we can destroy it." Bomber began.

" And McQuack's a commercial pilot, not a military one. He'd not allowed arming his plane, so there's no way the air force put any weapons in that baby." continued Bomber, who hoped that was true despite the "General McQuack" business.

" This copter of ours got weapons out the wazoo. Let's sees what happens after we fires them all at him." Bomber replied, for this was HIS department.

So the "news copter" fired enough weapons at the Jam to turn the Queen Mary into a colander. The bullets never seemed to touch the Jam. It was if it wasn't there. Sort of like what happens when the bad guys shoot at Batman and Robin. The bullets always miss.

"OK, it's DEFINETELY NOT a news copter." Launchpad joked." Not even a rival of the Duckburg Daily news!"

"Well, I'm supposed to put this plane thur its paces, aren't I? Think I'll use that copter as the obstacle in an obstacle course!" Launchpad said.

And he proceeded to go loop de loop around the helicopter and to do all kinds of stunts, like he does in his parents' air shows sometimes.

"Hey! Stay still so I can shoot at you!' Bomber yelled. "Hmpf. Want to play, do you? This copter is shielded from heat seeker missiles. They "ignore" it. Let's see if your plane can say the same."

And Bomber shot off a heat seeking missile which headed towards Launchpad's plane...and seemed to go right THUR it...like it wasn't there.

"Weird." Launchpad said.

But since the blame missile hadn't hit anything, it headed for the nearest source of heat...the AIR FORCE BASE!

"And this baby has no weapons on it! Wait a minute...it has flares! Flares that can be fired like a missile!' Launchpad said. "I'll just aim one at that pile of dead leaves outside the air force base."

And he did so. The flare set the dead leaves on fire, the heat of the fire attracted the missile. It swerved to re-aim itself towards the source of heat, as it was programmed to do. It headed away from the base. This gave the base the time to get over the shock, aim and shoot the missile down...just in case. It would look bad if they just let it hit so near the base.

_()()Whew! Glad they shot that missile down! Even that leaf pile was just a tad too close to the air force base for my liking. But it was the only thing I could think of and it beat the missile hitting the base itself!()()_ Launchpad thought.

The Air Force Base didn't like trespassers. Especially not when said trespassers shoot at them. So the Air Force Base set out a fleet of fighter jets to capture and, if necessary, shoot down the Beagles' "news copter".

"Ut-oh! I think we got the Air Force mad at us!" Bomber said.

Soon the copter was surrounded and had no choice but to surrender.

Launchpad just landed the Jam back at the base. Having no weapons, he decided staying out of the Air Force's way was the best thing to do.

"Well, General McQuack, if the "Jam" will stand up to that test it'll stand up to anything!" Griz of SHUSH said.

"Knock off the "general" joke, OK? I'm just Launchpad." Launchpad replied.

"Get used to it. We're planning a parade to celebrate the successful testing of the Jam. You'll probably have to wear a modern air force general uniform." Griz said. "But first, we need to wash the Jam. It's filthy. Not a scratch on it, but plenty of dirt, mud and soot!"

So the Jam was taken to a "plane wash", a machine that washed planes that they had on the base.

"This plane was washed just yesterday, just before being tested. It's scheduled to be washed tomorrow. I can't wash it today, it's against regulations." enlisted man at plane wash said.

But they talked him into "bumping" a plane scheduled to be washed today. This proved to be a mistake. The Jam had been washed yesterday. It was SUPPOSED to be washed tomorrow. It was being washed today. It finally existed in the here and the now. All that chemicals and brushes and HOT water was too much. The Jam fell apart in the wash like cotton candy. (5)

When Launchpad heard about this, all he said was:

"Well, at least I don't have to be in ANOTHER parade!' Launchpad said.

The End.

* * *

(1) Like I care. Launchpad never wanted the job, let Donald have it.

(2)Is that possible? Why don't they try that?

(3) See "General McQuack" by Yours Truly. But only if you want to.

(4) A girl can dream. Especially when she knows she's dreaming.

5) I shamelessly swiped this idea from that episode of "The Jetsons" where George Jetson tests an indestructible suit which falls apart when Jane washes it.


End file.
